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May 12, 2009


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Oh you really write so well - great piece to read. I understand to an extend, I am an only child and have always wished for siblings. But a sibling like your brother is maybe not worth the bother.c


Oh. I'm so sorry, Karen. Even though it sounds like you're well clear of him. Now it's not just him you're missing, it's a niece, too. Your children's cousin. That just stinks.

Karen P

I know it's no consolation, but before I read the post I spent some time trying to figure out which of the glamorous people in the photo was you. It didn't seem inconceivable!

On a more serious note -- I am sorry. There's just no way around the pain in that situation.


I'm so sorry, Karen. I'm interested in hearing more about the dynamic... what's the age difference between you two, what were things like when you were little kids, etc. I doubt you feel like talking/writing anymore about him though... I don't blame you. It is certainly his loss not to have you and your beautiful family in his life.


I thought this post was beautiful and well-written. I'm so sorry that the family dynamic is so difficult.


I'm so so sorry- you are right- no one likes to be rejected- but at least your children are safe from him, even if he still hurts you.
I don't see my father any more, once I had a daughter I figured out how abusive he was- because I couldn't see ever treating my baby the way he treated us, so I cut all ties with him.
And I wonder too, why does it hurt so much, when it hurts SO MUCH LESS to not have him in my life?
It seems like it doesn't make any sense...


Oh, I'm sorry. Nobody likes rejection, you're right. It's probably the most base sadness a human can endure, after all, we're social creatures. If it's not too personal, can I ask what precipitated the bad feelings he has towards you? Its so sad that siblings can fall so far apart. Like Beth, I'm curious about what he was like as a child, whether it was a lifelong grudge or a sudden change.

My aunt has a way of spreading cruel rumours about various members of our family, so about ten years ago my mom (sister in law to the aunt) cut off contact with her. They still speak, because my gentle mother doesn't have it in her to completely stonewall someone, but only briefly and politely. So don't feel too alone. I think it's a prerequisite for every family to have one member who wants to make it difficult for everyone.


I'm so sorry. As someone who also has a pretty disfunctional family I know how badly they can hurt you even when you've told yourself you don't care anymore and it doesn't matter. Even knowing that someone isn't worth the effort and that it's a toxic relationship still doesn't always take away the hurt. Hugs to you.

My Reality

I wish there was a way to make it not hurt.


Yes, rejection hurts, and I'm very sorry you're going through this Family rejection hurts most because despite everything, some part of you really wishes it could be different. Especially with the next generation -- it seems a shame that the rejection will now affect the cousins.

I'm recently struggling with a situation where a close friend's suddenly dropped me with no warning and no discussion. I do realize that it's mostly her issues, but it hurts a lot. I sympathize -- can't imagine going through this with family, even given his caustic history.


Oh Karen, that's so painful. Even if you made the decision to cut him out based on his decision and his attitude, it still hurts to know that he is so unfeeling and callous and a complete asshole. Knowing how you feel about your own family, I'm sure there is a part of you that thinks about his daughter--the niece you're not being allowed to know, the cousin that your children won't know. And that hurts a lot.

I don't have any advice but I don't think there's a way to make it not hurt. I am really sorry that your pain has been renewed about the whole situation.


I'm sorry you have to go through this. Of course it hurts. It's good you let yourself cry and it's good that you talked/wrote about it. I hope you find some comfort in knowing that others care.

In Search of Morning Sickness

Bleh, bleh, bleh. I hate hearing about your hurts like this. I hate hearing about dysfunctional families. I know you and Seth would never have children that act that way towards each other. I believe you two can break those generational "curses".


That is just so very sad. I would be very hurt too. I'm sorry you have such a shitty brother.


I am so sorry. I really appreciate your honesty Karen. As always, you are SO REAL.
I have to tell you that this hits home a bit for my family - I can't talk about it on our blog because the asshole reads it. Anyhow, thinking of you.

The Microblogologist

My Dad's brother is somewhat cut off from the family due to his crazy wife. The woman is so insane and my uncle so lacking a backbone that when my aunt who takes care of my elderly grandma (99 years old) had to go out of town she had to ask my Dad to come down from Chicago to hang out with Grandma. Uncle lives on the same road about a block away (it is a country road, they call it "across the street" but it is a little bit of a hike over). I think he wants to be part of his family at least, when she has spent time away he tends to visit his mother and sister a lot more, just doesn't want to make his psycho wife mad.

Sad that your family is so split up, awesome that you and Seth have learned from it and are raising those children to be full of love for family and each other =)


Please read how IVF medications led to my breast cancer and how a breast cancer study using genetic testing to check estrogen metabolism is saving my life. Please share my story with all women who have used or are considering IVF, HRT and anyone with estrogen positive breast cancer.


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