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February 19, 2009

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cat

A very old (gay) friend of mine's motto in life is "Happiness is to be satisfied with were you are and what you are doing n the circumstances you find yourself in" . Being a good enough mother in the circumstances we are in is the key - you are a great mother in your circumstances, not just adequate.

And I get so irritated with people judging kids with problems - how do they know what it is to live with them? How can they judge them if they just see them for an hour or two? You know your J-man is the sweetest boy, and we know that, and that is all that is important. Light and love to you.

Erin

I think your standards of mothering are too high. Seriously. And I think it leads to you not giving yourself enough credit for the amazing job that you are doing with ALL of your children. What you're doing is well beyond the scope of what many mothers do. You are mothering four children, one of whom has ADHD and all of the challenges associated with that. (Let me interrupt myself to say that I wish I could kick that person's ass for saying such things about J--how dare she? The idea that she works with children who have ADHD and yet still doesn't understand it...I feel VERY sorry for the families with which she works.)

The other three children that you are mothering are triplets and even if they are the world's easiest triplets, there are still three TODDLERS freely roaming your house and pulling napkins out of drawers and other such things. And you have to fit in their therapy. And you work. And you maintain a great relationship with S. And you help out so many people even beyond the scope of your family. All of those still count in mothering, because you're showing your children that being a good person, a good wife, a good mother can involve things that don't happen at home. You're being a tremendous example to them. Give yourself the credit for it, because you've certainly earned it.

marie baguette

I can't imagine how painful the comments made by your friend must have been. How ignorant and mean could she be? It must be heart wrenching to have a child go through those difficulties. Do you get some kind of support? Maybe a parents' group? Your JMan looks like a real sweet child on the pictures. As to the triplets, I can't believe how much they have grown. I sort of stopped reading blogs for a long time and it is nice to read everyone is doing well. Kuddos to you for holding a full time job and raising 4 kids. You are an amazing mum and a real inspiration

Melanie

It breaks my heart that your friend said those things. Anyone who has truly spent time with a child with ADHD, especially those who have been around said child with and without medication, should understand that these kids are not in control of the problem at all. I can't believe she'd just chalk it up to poorly behaved kids not trying hard enough. That's absurd.

You're amazing. I don't know how you keep up with them all.

My Reality

You are more than adequate. And the kids more than gorgeous.

mom in iowa

First off, your children are all BEAUTIFUL. Thank you for sharing their gorgeous smiles with all of us.
I have to tell you that I thought of you, well, Sam really, today when I grabbed the Avon catalogues my mother-in-law sent over and saw on the front of the 'outlet catalog' Sam's beloved elephant blanket. Seems that they are about out of stock, and therefore on clearance ($4.99 I believe) so if you need just a *few* extras...get 'em now!
I'm sorry to hear that your friend hurt you. In my eyes, you are amazing for ALL you do. Whenever I am having a "bad mom day" as I like to call them, I think of people like you that have far more challenging things (and more children) to face on a daily basis, and think "if she can do it, I ought to be able to as well!"

docgrumbles

You are doing a great job with a lot on your plate.

Your kids are all adorable.

Ms. C

Your children are just beautiful, Karen. The grin on J's face is a riot, it made me giggle the moment the page loaded. And I can't get over ow much Sam seems to look like Seth (you know, from the picture, because I haven`t ever met him!!)

I think that you are going a super job. More than that, you are doing what you can. Screw anyone who judges you or the behaviour (especially those that are medically-related and beyond your control). Seriously. I read this and think: way better mom that I am, and I only have one kiddo.

Meridith

Even as a teacher, I was ignorant of "true" ADHD. So many children are incorrectly labeled ADHD that I too thought they were all just misbehaving. Then, I had a student who really had ADHD, and wow, did my view change. I totally respect how hard you work with J-man. I hope you find a way to look past your firend's ignorant comments and know that your readers don't judge you, your feelings, or your children (except to say how cute they all are!)

Joy Larkin

Great post. I needed that post in more ways than you know...I've been feeling so inadequete lately and your post reminded me that I need to be grateful in the small things and to know I'm doing the best job as a mom that I can. You are amazing..I don't know how you balance it all! And, OMG...your kids are so CUTE!

KLTTX

You sound much more than adequate. As a working mom, there is only so much that you can do. You seem to go above and beyond to spend time with your kids. My view (and I really hope this is true and I am also a working mom), is that quality means more than quantity.

leonie

Great to see you, i have missed reading your blog! No pressure though!!! I think as mothers our expectations on our selves can overwhelm us and create a world that we can not maintain and also as mothers and women we are far too judgemental of others (we are ALL guilty of this). but you know if at the end of each day all of our children cuddle up to us, say I love you mummy, and go to sleep as innocently as they should then we should mark each day as success.

just stopping to smell the roses helps all of appreciate what we have, and i think we all need to weed out those friends that turn into 'prickles', kick'em to hte curb!!!

take care
Leonie

amber

you've got a lot going on and i think you're handling it all really well. i'm sorry that your friend made cruel comments to you about the J-man. i can't imagine how hurtful that was. the kiddos are adorable, as always.

Kelli Brown

Say it with me now: Great. Great is the thing in between "adequate" and "perfect." It is just to the right of "good" and just to the left of "excellent." And it is not a bad thing.
Goodness gracious. Cut yourself a little slack, wouldja? You're making the rest of us look bad.

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