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« Moments in Motherhood | Main | What the Frick? »

July 30, 2008

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Erin

The truth is that parenting is scary. Since we can only see the results of our decisions in retrospect, we tend to say "if I'd tried this," "if I'd done that," instead of remembering that we made the best decisions that we could with the information we had at the time. The two of you are the best parents for J, and you're making the best decisions that you can.

Of course giving him medication is manipulating him. That's your job. Discipline is also manipulating him, it's just done without chemical assistance. They're both invaluable when needed to help J live up to his fullest potential, and to function in a way that works.

I can tell that it's hard, but it sounds like you're doing all you can. Give J an extra hug and remind yourself that you're a great mom to all of your kids.

triLcat

Remember what I told you - Moms love their kids no matter what and they never give up.

That doesn't mean they never make mistakes. It means that they do as well as they can. Every parent has their less shining moments, and most of us kids survive.

kids may remember the one time you flew off the handle, but their stability is established by the 100 times you didn't.

Kim

I know how you feel, although to a much lesser extent. My son has trouble gaining weight and I have been advised on several occasions to put him on a medication to stimulate his appetite. However there are side effects and one of them is that it makes him sleepy. Well he is already speech delayed and I don't want him to be even more developmentally delayed than he already is, and giving a kid a medicine that makes him sleep more would NOT help that problem. BUT he needs to gain weight to be strong enough to not be sick all the time. It is a hard balance. You want to make the best decisions for your kid, but also not necessarily give them something that they don't absolutely need or that could have possible long term side effects. I agree with you, why couldn't they put this stuff in the manual? It is so hard to act as your child's decision maker and have the burden of knowing that you might not always make the right decision. It is a big burden to carry. As usual, thank you for your honesty. It helps those of us going through similar decisions help to make the right one for us and our child.

Diana

Thank you for writing this post. I am ignorant on why people choose to medicate their children. I tend to think medication for ADD etc is not a good thing but that is just my gut reaction. Reading this post and hearing your reasons and your struggle with just wanting to do the right thing for J is helping me to understand. I am sorry you have to do all this but you are doing the best you can and with the best reason, because you love him. He is one fortunate little boy!

moss_raven

This post is EXACTLY why you are a good parent. You want the best for J.--striving at every single moment to do that.

You worry that you're not patient enough, not praising him enough, not giving him what he needs. In reality, he's so wonderful BECAUSE you and S. have done the work of good parents.

Karen K

The fact that you are willing to go through and play with the doses and all the different meds with him shows you care and will do right by him. If you didn't care you would just have him doped up on them and not care that he is sad, as long as he was quiet... I remember my mother going through the ritalin dosing with my baby sister. Mom, her teacher and the doctor were all involved with trying to get the right dose. Poor sibling felt sick a lot due to the side effects of the ritalin, I am glad there are more options now.

I think the behavioral counseling aspect is a great thing, my sister didn't really have that and I think it would have benefited her more than the meds. Medicate so they can keep up with their peers and work on getting them to the point where they can be less dependent on the medication, I wish they had that strategy with Sibling (this was over 10 years ago, she is 22 now).

While there are a lot of ups and downs during this journey I think the fact that you love him and you try so hard to do what is best for him is what matters and what he is going to remember. I don't think he could possibly have a better mother for him than you!

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