To Anonymous

Two posts in one night! Imagine that!

In my last post, Anonymous asked, "Why are you leaving the babies to go back to work??? Who is keeping them and is it really cost effective?" A couple people got defensive, rightfully so, on my behalf and anonymous responded again with, "UMMMM....I don't know why everyone is so defensive...I was asking a serious question and wanting a valid response..."

Now, part of me doesn't want to dignify this with a response because the tone of both of these comments is quite condescending and rude. And this is clearly someone who doesn't read my posts very often or very thoroughly because the post RIGHT BEFORE THAT ONE CLEARLY EXPLAINED THE WHOLE WORK THING. So I suggest, Anonymous, that you simply go and read this post:

http://perkyovary.blogspot.com/2008/01/doctors-galore-and-your-questions.html

Scroll down to the part that says "Your Questions Answered" and then I even suggest reading the comments and seeing some of the other folks' in the blogosphere's perspective on this issue.

The tone of your initial question, "why are you leaving the babies?" is rather accusatory. You make it seem like I'm doing something selfish without thinking of them. But I AM thinking of them. I was thinking that I would prefer that they live in a house rather than a tent and I happen to know that we cannot afford to pay our mortgage with just one salary. I have been out of work for seven months (three months on bed rest and four months since they were born) and we are out of reserves. We are out of money. If I were to stay home another month, we couldn't continue to buy food, and I'm NOT exaggerating. Was it really necessary for you to add THREE question marks after your question? I understood you were asking a question without the extra punctuation. All you did was express your incredulity with those extra question marks which added to the accusatory nature of your question, which is why people jumped down your throat and defended me.

As for whether it's cost effective, that is really none of your fucking business and I'm so damn tired of that question. But here is the final word on that question: Yes. It is cost effective. My nanny is well-paid, but not as well paid as I am. I have a longer explanation of the long-term cost effectiveness in the above-referenced post.

But do you know what REALLY pisses me the hell off? Your statement that you want a "valid" response. Fuck you. Seriously. I don't curse a lot in my blog, really, but you deserve it. I don't owe you any explanation at all, valid or otherwise. Going back to work is MY decision. If I go back to work just because I ENJOY work that's a valid enough explanation for anyone, dammit. As it happens, I have NO desire to return to work, but I NEED to return to work and I don't owe you (or anyone else) any explanation.

And I don't give a damn whether that's valid according to your definition.

Comments

[My Reality]

I commend you on this response. Once again, you rock!!! And yes, I used 3 exclamation points for emphasis, because you do rock that much. :)

[Audrey]

Well said!

[megan]

nicely said, Karen. good for you.

[Kirsten]

From one working mom of multiples (just twins here!) to another...amen!!!

[chicklet]

Wow, that's a rockin post. Nice one.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for clarifying!!! Obviously this is a touchy subject for you...I was asking an innocent question as to why you would return to work, since it is so obvious that you love being a stay at home Mommy. Hope you have a nice evening!!!!!

[Anonymous]

I had to read back and make sur eyou weren't referring to me as the anonymous...since I did as a similar question last time...and I'd never have required a "valid" answer.As long as your babies are well cared for I don't think anyone has the right to judge what a parent does. That said...when I asked a couple posts ago about how working was cost effective...I wasn't looking for a literal answer...I was just expressing surprise.Anyway it wasn't me this time...good to know...but you had me wondering!!Take Care,Allie

[Rachel Inbar]

I agree with your response but I'm sorry that women in general have to feel defensive about their decisions.As a WAHM who could theoretically have my kids home, my answer is that everyone has a solution that works best for them... It works best for me to have my kids in daycare and as long as my husband and I agree about it, it's really no one else's business.

[whattoexpect]

I kind of like it when you swear.Nice post. You hit the nail (or troll) right on the head.

[Meghan]

Very well said!!!

[Shelby]

Very well said!!

[Erin]

Hear, hear!

[Bean]

Bravo. Hope your first day back was ok.

[pam]

ha ha, awesome. i can't wait until we make our trip up to your area of the country so we can all meet. it will happen, one day. :)

[Helen]

I too am getting ready to blog about this, too - I met with similar spectacular crap from a woman last year when I wrote that I would be going back to work. It kills me that people feel they have the right to judge other people's siutuations. Just because you blog about some aspects of your life doesn't give people the right to presume to know other aspects. Your response was great, and I could feel your indignation - and am indignant for you, too - in the whole post.You also could've answered to the "Why am I leaving the babies to go back to work?" as "Because I'm back in pole dancing, form, and it's about time. I taught the babies to hitchhike. It'll be fine. They can visit me for a bucket of wings and a beer every other Thursday."Of course, with such rabid punctuation, the anonymous commenter likely would've thought you were serious.*sigh*

[infertilepediatrician]

Great post! I just came back to work 2 weeks ago (I have an 11 week old and my partner is expecting twins) and I too got a nasty post (wonder if it's the same bitter woman who obviously has issues and thus goes around posting nasty comments on working moms blogs). I decided not to justify her post with a blog about it but I've been steaming about it for days now. She was down right mean to me and really is there a need to be so mean to someone who is 10 weeks post partum. Anyway, enough about me - way to go on getting things out! You rock!

[Another DC Karen]

Karen,I've never met you (obviously) but I think your blog is the best.

[singletracey]

GREAT Response.. sorry people keep buggin you on that one.. I dont understand why they keep asking...

[amber]

i am usually a lurker, but i just wanted to say that i applaud you in your response. i don't have kids, but i am also aware of the fact that every woman is different and so long as the mother and father are comfortable with the childcare decisions, it's nobody's business. all the best when you go back to work as i'm sure it won't be easy, but as many moms have told me "you do what you have to do." {{hugs}}

[The Dunn Family]

Hell yeah! You tell 'em!

[Anonymous]

So how was your first day of work away from your babies????

[Anonymous]

Yasher koach!

[Jessica]

heh. You rock.

[Jody]

Jessica is right, you do rock.

[Casey's trio]

Good for you!