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January 04, 2008

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Anonymous

Hi :)I'm Allie. I wasn't trying to offend you with that question...neither by assuming you wanted to work or didn't want to, nor by assuming you had to work of didn't have to, nor by implying its the mothers job to stay home and raise babies while the father works :) I was simply...well...shocked that with 3 newborns it would be cost effective to pay for childcare!! For all I know you have a parent of family friend who is looking after them, or you'r independently wealthy :) Either of which would be great too for the record.I am a SAHM to 3 children, although my oldest just started Kindergarten this year. For added socialization and fun she attends an after school "Kindercare" program and I know how much that costs us just for the 3 hours a day after school. I have never paid for childcare aside from this. I've never actually used a babysitter either(thanks Grammas!!) So I was honestly asking out of curiosity(not for how much you make...thats not my business but...parent to parent). You make a VERY good point about the long run. I wasn't thinking about that. If you have a field in which you need to stay current then in makes sense. And you're children will one day be in school full time so it makes sense that you'd work then(I think I'm in denial about mine heading to school and me having days to do...well...anything!!). I do know people who have 3 kids and they say its not worth working because its working to pay the care costs and they would rather stay home with the kids as opposed to just work for someone else to care for them. Which...is completely their choice...as I also have friends that it costs them more in child care, but they feel they need to work ourside the home as they aren't SAHM material(thier words not mine...I don't judge either way). But their kids are all different ages and so the cost are lessened for older kids who only get child care part time. So...3 newborns strikes me as a huge "ouch". Oh but for the record...my husband and I both feel that the person who makes the most should work :) It just happens to be him. So I wasn't implying you should stay home and your husband should have the career. Take care,Allie

illahee

as a breast feeding mom of a singleton, i'm curious as to what and how much you eat. i eat a LOT, and not necessarily the 'right' things, though i've gotten better about that since my baby became 2 months old. (still addicted to donuts, i'm afraid!) are you still constantly hungry? i really admire you for b-f'ing three!i love your posts, i hope your babies continue to grow grow grow!

pam

THANK YOU for answering the daycare question. we get it ALL THE TIME. if i didn't go back to work, we'd have to live in a box, period. yes, childcare is v expensive, but i do make more than what it costs! yeesh. and i don't think i'm cut out to be a SAHM anyway, to be honest. though i do wish i could stay home longer at this point. just not forever.anyhoo.

hadjare

Cool! I was wondering just yesterday how many calories are in formula (it doesn't say on the container). We also have to add the caloric intake from the thickener as well...and yeah. 40 calories (per two ounces) just doesn't seem like that much -- but then you add in the number of feedings...how many calories a day do you think a baby has? Anyway, great update post! I have a feeling we aren't out of the woods yet with the weight gain thing either. Aspirating babies are notorious for slow weight gain. :(

Rachel Inbar

I think that aside from the important things you pointed out (like keeping up with your field) that it's really important to get back to having an identity as a grown-up - talking to other people, taking time to do things for yourself (e.g., eat lunch uninterrupted; read the paper), etc. I stayed home with my twins until they were 18 months and by then I felt that there was no 'me' left...With Abigail & Nomi, I told Ohad that I don't even care if it looks as if it's cost-effective - long-term-therapy would cost much more than childcare :-)

The Dunn Family

I hear ya! I get that money question a lot. And I actually have the same exact answer! Except I have twins, not trips. But I work in the IT field, and walking away from it for 5 years would never allow me to walk back in with the same pay or position I have now. And I actually make slightly more than DH, so if anyone should be home, it should be him.But at the end of the day, as unpopular of a view this may be, I NEED to go to work. Just being home for 6 months with them was really tough. I loved every single minute of it, but I don't know if I could do it for 5 years straight. I never felt like I had less of an identity as I did then. Now that might be because they were newborns and non-stop needy. As the kids get older, I might have gotten more me time, and not felt so isolated from the world, but I can't be sure. Going back to work saved my sanity. Now if I were rich, I certainly wouldn't work, but I still would probably be a nanny 2 days a week just so that I could still have some grownup me time. But that's just a fantasy. 8-)Kudos on the pumping, breastfeeding. I didn't even try. And I'm ok with that, but I am in awe of the moms of multiples that do. Good on you!

Catherine

Hi Karen -I feel like I could have written about half of your post (just not the breastfeeding part)! I know I owe you an email, but with the holidays I haven't been as good about staying in touch with anyone as I would have liked. The child care cost question amuses me and bugs me all at the same time. Those weekly checks to our nanny do hurt, but for the reasone you mentioned and more it makes sense for my family right now.I'm really curious to hear what they find out on Ellie's weiht gain issues. We are having some very similar struggles with my little guy (he weighs roughly 9 pounds less than his brothers right now who have been in a hurry to catch up on growth). It's a daily struggle for us worrying about how much he is eating, how many calories, etc. I actually need to make an appointment to get him weighed since I'm getting concerned again.And as far as how much formula feeding triplets costs, I don't even want to know what I've spent on it (kind of like diapers and everything else that goes along with them).

Anonymous

A wonderful update -- thank you for taking the time!Is this the OB/GYN for whom you weren't sure of the best way to switch to the perinatologist without harming the relationship? It sounds like things between you are well. How nice that he visited you in the hospital!Would adding calories to any EBM feedings Ellie takes be useful? Is the issue more to figure out what is going on, why she isn't eating enough, and that if it weren't for the hunger strikes, she'd be gaining fine?

Jody

I assume you have already considered this, but for the folks who find your site while pregnant with triplets, I wanted to say that Ellie's frequent hunger strikes put me in mind of some lingering oral aversion issues. I can't remember if she needed to intubated or not, or if she ever had her feeding tube down her mouth (they tend to switch those to the nose as soon as breastfeeding begins, for the readers without NICU experience), but I can tell you that we had a brief nursing strike with Elba, and it didn't occur to me at the time, but she's had oral aversion issues (mercifully very, VERY mild -- mostly only around brushing her teeth, and her gag reflex) her whole life.Like I said, I assume you're already considering this possibility, but I thought I would throw it out there for the read-alongs. Google is forever! :-)Glad to hear everything else is going so well.

Cindy amp; Brian

almost 4 months already - I can't believe it!!! how time flies.Jody raises a good question about the oral aversion possibility. I wonder about that myself. i hated seeing the feeding tube in my babies' mouths and wondered if it bothered them at all and if there would be any long term issues. luckily they're all in their noses now...and soon gone forever!!!

My Reality

I have a question. Can we have more pics of the trio? Please?

ABC Triplets

Yes, more pics please! :)

Anonymous

I am so glad you wrote this! I feel like sending a link to your entry about daycare to several people in my address book. People reacted in horror when they found out I was returning to work after having triplets... and seem surprised that it is indeed cost effective. I want to say, I'm a lawyer, um, yes, of COURSE I will make more than I'm paying a nanny! Not to mention that my job comes with free health, dental and vision benefits for my entire family. Furthermore, I hate to admit it, but it's a welcome break from changing diapers. It's incredibly hard to be a SAHM to triplets! And those same people are beyond shocked that I'm still bfing my triplets (altho we do supplement w/ formula). It is so irritating when comments are made like "I'm sure you didn't even try to BF."Anyway, I really enjoyed your post. Kudos to you and congrats on your 3 little ones!Meredith

In and Out of Luck

Congrats again and still, and kudos on making whatever daycare choice works for you financially and emotionally. I went back to work after 10 months at home (I was lucky enough to have that much paid maternity leave) and it was actually lovely to have my adult life back.

Carol

Yeah, I love how they ask you about birth control. ha! After what it took for me to get pregnant, thinking about using birth control would be a joke. The nursed pressed me about it at my OB appt - obviously didn't consult my chart. Fortunately my OB knew better, since he actually remembered my history. I told him that if I miraculously ended up pregnant, I'd be thrilled, and he left it at that. But yeah, at this point it would be the immaculate conception - too tired to even think about it. I'm a little bitter about the c-section too - I definitely want to try for a vaginal birth sometime in the future.Hey - when we were concerned about weight early on, we bought a small kitchen scale at the drugstore. It goes up to 11 pounds, and I put a tray on it that I would lay the babies on to weigh them. It gave us a lot of peace of mind between weight checks. Might be something to consider - it was not expensive. Speaking of weight - how's yours going? are you still losing? I'm down 23 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight now. Breastfeeding multiples is great!

es

I just want to say, now that I have my twins and am breastfeeding them, how truly amazing I think you are for breastfeeding your triplets. Just when I think that twins are hard... wow. I am in awe of you.

Anonymous

How funny...I had the same conversation with my OB after delivering my twins conceived through IVF. Sure enough 6 months later "oops baby" was conceived! Boy was I shocked, but I was so thrilled too! Now I have 3 who are fourteen months apart...not quite triplets! I hope you get that "singleton" baby. It's definitely a different experience. (I didn't get my VBAC either...other complications but no NICU!) Congratulations and good luck with your job.

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