Today is the sixth anniversary of the day after I got married to the sweetest man in the world. We celebrated by going to see Cirque du Soleil on Sunday and leaving all four children with my mother. Can you imagine? It wasn't so bad, actually, the babies were napping most of the time we were gone, and the J-man was meserized by the computer the whole time we were gone. I think my mom even squeezed in a nap. Good for her!
Get out the Vote!
I voted today. That shouldn't sound so monumental, but I'm ashamed to admit this is only the second time in my life I've voted. I intend to change this. I believe very strongly in the civic duty to vote, and yet, I'm a big slacker. I think it's such a powerful right that we have. Truthfully, I find the rest of the ballot - the bits AFTER the presidential question far more empowering, because those were the parts where my vote might make an impact. My state is a blue state, you see. It wouldn't have mattered who I voted for in the presidential election today, it wasn't going to change the fact that my state would fall out as a blue state. But there were several questions on the ballot that did matter that I had a more direct ability to affect. The thing is issues appear on the ballot every year, not just every four years. And I owe it to my children to set a good example. So I am making a personal resolution to vote next year - a non-presidential election year. (Update: as I was writing this, they called the election for Obama. I'm not stunned at the result, but I *am* stunned that this election was called at 11pm... I expected to go to bed tonight without knowing who our next president will be)
Ellie-bean is sick. All three babies had a cold about three weeks ago. And the cold hasn't really gone away. And last week, Ellie got a cough on top of the cold. It was a horrible seal-barking cough - yep, croup. And the seal-barking cough calmed down, but a milder cough persisted. So I called the doctor yesterday and asked if I was overreacting by thinking maybe this had gone on a little too long. He said for sure I should not let this continue through the week, and to bring her in if I felt like she wasn't getting better. So I brought her in today. Double ear infections (mild, but there nonetheless), lots of goo in her nose and throat. All clues point to secondary bacterial sinusitis. Bleh. And I think Abby has it too, but I didn't realize that until too late. So my bet is that in a couple days Abby will be heading to the doctor also. And heck, if I take Abby, I might take Sam too, because his nose is all gooey still too, even if he's not coughing yet. Better safe than sorry, right?
Sam is totally a toddler. He doesn't crawl anymore if he can help it. He's all about the walking. Mommy is traumatized by this development, because her little baby boy is turning into a big boy and ... oh! no one gave him permission for this!
To answer some of your questions: Nothing changed in Seth's insurance that meant that I used to have coverage under my old clinic and don't now. I used to be covered under my own insurance, but I changed employers after the triplets were born and my new employer does not have fertility coverage. But Ms. Perky, you might ask, Isn't Maryland a mandated coverage state? Why yes, yes it is! But there are loopholes to that whole "mandated" thing... specifically, my employer "self insures" which gets them out of the mandate. Several of you asked if there is any other clinic closer that my husband's insurance will cover and the answer, simply, is no. He works for a major hospital system, and they will only cover fertility treatment done through their hospital system.
Mostly, right now, I feel a little bitter, and I feel like my hand is being forced on this. The clinic I have to use does quarterly "batched" IVFs. All their patients do their cycles all at the same time and they only do them quarterly. So we're moving forward with a consult now, rather than waiting until the first of the year. Which means I'm weaning nowish, rather than at the end of the year. It also means that I'll have no control over timeline. The insurance situation means I'll have no control over my doctor, my clinic, my geography, my timeline, and quite possibly, my protocol. More frustratingly, the clinic I'll be forced to go to performed zero elective single embryo transfers in the last year that they reported to the CDC. I gotta tell you... that worries me. I know that I should reserve judgment until I've actually met this doctor, but I admit, I'm skeptical, and I'm angry that my choices have been taken away from me. Infertility is so often about losing control, and I feel like I've lost even more control over this situation, which aggravates me to no end.
I'm sure once we start moving forward, I'll be over it. But until then, I remain irritated, anxious, frustrated. I find myself paralyzed about the whole thing, unable to even so much as make a phone call about the whole thing - I even punted off making the phone call about setting up the consult to Seth. I told him that since he worked there and he knows his schedule and I want him there at this appointment, I'd rather he schedule the appointment, but the truth is, my frustration about the whole situation just has me unable to even deal with it. Yet, I don't want to waste more time and lose more control. I have another birthday in January and I hear the tick-tock in the back of my head all the time.
I appreciate that I received so many supportive comments on my last post - I know I'm crazy, I know not everyone would make the choices I'm making, but it's nice to know that I have support here. That being said, I'm still torn about blogging about the whole infertility-thing here. Blogging about it in the abstract like this is one thing. But if I do start cycling again? I'm not sure how I feel about writing about the specifics. There are just enough people reading here who know me in real life that I don't love the idea of posting about it. So I don't know how candid I'll be. Perhaps I'll post privately about it, and then share those posts after-the-fact. I'm not sure. I haven't figured out what the right answer is yet. Just letting you know what's going on in my head.