It's Just a Matter of Priorities

I love* it when people tell me that making things happen in my life is just a matter of prioritizing and "making the time" to do things.  Take, for example, the fact that I really need to see a dentist.  Really, really need to see a dentist.  I also really need to see my neurologist.  But I really can't find the time to make either one happen. 

"Oh," they** say, "You have to make the time.  You need to reprioritize."

And: "You make time for your kids anytime they need an appointment, you must make the time for yourself."

Or then there's this gem:  "If you don't take care of you, you can't take care of anyone else."

As if anything is as easy as any of that.  Sure, I can make the time.  But the only time left to make is taking time out of sleep - and, um, there's not a lot of that time left, because I've already taken a lot of that time out for other stuff.  And, um, hello?  My dentist isn't open at 3am.    It's super-easy to say "just reprioritize" ... but go and try to do it.

The fact of the matter is, I'm extraordinarily good at setting priorities.  How else would I survive as the fulltime-working-mother of a special-needs ADHD 5 1/2 year old and nearly 2 year old triplets?  How else would I manage to juggle speech therapy for three toddlers, speech/language therapy for the J-man, developmental ped. appointments for J, parenting classes, two board memberships, NICU support groups, managing a household, my job, and the myriad of other things I juggle?

My life consists of nothing but prioritizing and reprioritizing every single minute of every single day.

What I don't love about "You just need to reprioritize" is the implication that I'm the one at fault for not making things happen.  The fact is, there are only so many hours in the day, and there is never going to be a way to add more.  Until I find a way to reduce the expenses in our lives by about $20K - I'm not going to be able to quit working, and until I can quit working, I'm not going to be able to make more time for things.  Certainly not for things that have to be accomplished during business hours.

I just wish that people could understand this; but so few people seem to get it. 

----------------------------------------------
* and by "love" I mean "loathe", "detest", "hate", or "makes me want to bludgeon with a candlestick"
** You know about they (or them), right?  They always know what's right for us, don't they?

Comments

[Beth]

You are so right. You are also my inspiration... I mean that. Hope to see you guys soon!

[LeahGG]

Of course it's priorities. If you decided that it's more important for you to see your neurologist than to be at work, you could see your neurologist. Problem is that you can only miss so much work without losing your job and your job is a priority. If you didn't have to eat or pay the mortgage...

[Decemberbaby]

Leah's right... the problem is that priorities are multilayered. Besides, you are prioritizing... like all mothers throughout history and across the ecosystem, you put your offspring ahead of yourself. Makes logical sense to me...

But hey, maybe you should send a copy of this post to your dentist. Who knows how much more business he could pull in by running an all-night dental clinic? You sleep while he works, and in the morning you get woken up with fresh coffee and fruit.